Courage and compassion

Since the past does not exist (only the present exists) I find that my regret and remorse have no place to be but in my mind. They are intangible, real, and at times powerful. But they are only my thoughts and for better or worse I own them.

I recently stumbled upon the emotion of compassion as the best response to these sorrowful and at times painful thoughts. I have tried other alternatives to dealing with grief in all of its forms, including denial, dishonesty, running, and varied degrees of the the opposite, which is wallowing. None of those work as well as compassion.

Compassion is an emotional response, aimed at the memory of the loss (whatever it might be) and tailored to embrace it. The memories of the events and feelings that accompany regrets and related sorrows do not disappear. Indeed, who would want to forget the death of a parent or an important but awful moment? Instead, careful contemplation of the sorrowful moment with the mindful embrace of compassion brings the event into a clearer and a loving light. Repeated visits to the site of the wound result in greater healing. In short order the regret joins its place among other memories, while not crying for special attention.

This is not an infinite regression. I know I have a finite number of negative experiences. They pop up, I embrace them, and they don't pop up again. If I live long enough, perhaps I will run out. That would be nice.

This idea grew over a long period of time. The culmination came this Fall when I was thinking about the teachings of Buddha. Distilled, they are: The Universe is suffering; there is a solution; the solution is compassion. I had never really accepted the first proposition, that the Universe is suffering. I ducked and weaved around the "problem of evil" and the problem of pain. Finally, however, it became inescapable, there is great suffering all around, even in the littlest things. That compassion is the correct response is axiomatic (at least to me.) From that flowed the aforementioned internal dialogs.

Seeing things easily

(I wrote this on July 12, 2008. I am so happy for President Elect Obama and his lovely family, so I am bumping it up her to celebrate. Cheers!)


Senator Obama is very smart, very well educated, and he does not have bipolar disorder. I like that.

Let me be clear that I am not writing today about that insidious bipolar disorder, which is painstakingly defined in The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV-TR.) That is a medical condition with immense suffering. That horrible mental disease is obviously outside the range of this comment.

This morning I'm thinking about a much more prevalent disorder of the soul and the intellect. It is the compulsion and habit of seeing a fractured world, a world of incompatible opposites. It is a way of seeing "this or that." It is is "my way or the highway." Bipolar disorder of this sort lives in the assertion, "you are either with us or against us."

What I like most about Senator Obama (and what I liked of the Senator McCain of 8 years ago) is his ability to see and act with with normal vision.

Senator Obama is able to see ranges of gray, shades and tints of colors. He moves freely within that beautiful world. Healthy marriage, Harvard Law School, loving children, best selling books, a seat in the Senate, all this seems naturally attainable when the world is in focus.

In contrast, those who suffer from bipolar vision are severely constrained. Due to fear and profound lack of perspective they limit their experiences and actions to a narrow range of black, white, and a few muted primary colors. They populate a flat dull world of inexplicable discoordination. It is a world that spins out of control. Opportunities are missed, goals are not met, wars are lost. They dwell in world of unwelcomed surprises. For them, things go bump in the night -- every night. Uncertain of their own path, amazingly, they sometimes try to lead others. Yet, they have no idea where they are going. They don't even know where they have been.

Indeed, that's the critical flaw of almost all ideologies and religions. Lack of vision and a compulsion to lead.

For those with vision ideologies are not needed to understand the world. For those happy spirits the world is self-evident. Those without this kind of bipolar disorder live in a full-color three and four dimensional world. They are comfortably poised to mount reasoned responses to this marvelously complex universe. They are not limited to responses -- they are easily able to initiate action to reach any goal.

On the other hand, bipolar disorder strips nuance from the minds of its victims. While healthy people move towards a more complete range of existence, the afflicted move into the shadows. These poor souls never guess why their world looks so bleak. They never understand why they fail repeatedly in every sort of endeavor.

This strange kind of bipolarism is not a disease of the left or right. It is a flaw in vision that is based upon fear and failure to forgive. That results in mind-numbing ignorance. For those who are limited to seeing back and white, this or that, up or down, liberal or conservative, war or peace, there is a cure, but it is not easy. It is not fun to die before you die.

It is not easy to love what you cannot see.