Courage and compassion

Since the past does not exist (only the present exists) I find that my regret and remorse have no place to be but in my mind. They are intangible, real, and at times powerful. But they are only my thoughts and for better or worse I own them.

I recently stumbled upon the emotion of compassion as the best response to these sorrowful and at times painful thoughts. I have tried other alternatives to dealing with grief in all of its forms, including denial, dishonesty, running, and varied degrees of the the opposite, which is wallowing. None of those work as well as compassion.

Compassion is an emotional response, aimed at the memory of the loss (whatever it might be) and tailored to embrace it. The memories of the events and feelings that accompany regrets and related sorrows do not disappear. Indeed, who would want to forget the death of a parent or an important but awful moment? Instead, careful contemplation of the sorrowful moment with the mindful embrace of compassion brings the event into a clearer and a loving light. Repeated visits to the site of the wound result in greater healing. In short order the regret joins its place among other memories, while not crying for special attention.

This is not an infinite regression. I know I have a finite number of negative experiences. They pop up, I embrace them, and they don't pop up again. If I live long enough, perhaps I will run out. That would be nice.

This idea grew over a long period of time. The culmination came this Fall when I was thinking about the teachings of Buddha. Distilled, they are: The Universe is suffering; there is a solution; the solution is compassion. I had never really accepted the first proposition, that the Universe is suffering. I ducked and weaved around the "problem of evil" and the problem of pain. Finally, however, it became inescapable, there is great suffering all around, even in the littlest things. That compassion is the correct response is axiomatic (at least to me.) From that flowed the aforementioned internal dialogs.

Seeing things easily

(I wrote this on July 12, 2008. I am so happy for President Elect Obama and his lovely family, so I am bumping it up her to celebrate. Cheers!)


Senator Obama is very smart, very well educated, and he does not have bipolar disorder. I like that.

Let me be clear that I am not writing today about that insidious bipolar disorder, which is painstakingly defined in The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV-TR.) That is a medical condition with immense suffering. That horrible mental disease is obviously outside the range of this comment.

This morning I'm thinking about a much more prevalent disorder of the soul and the intellect. It is the compulsion and habit of seeing a fractured world, a world of incompatible opposites. It is a way of seeing "this or that." It is is "my way or the highway." Bipolar disorder of this sort lives in the assertion, "you are either with us or against us."

What I like most about Senator Obama (and what I liked of the Senator McCain of 8 years ago) is his ability to see and act with with normal vision.

Senator Obama is able to see ranges of gray, shades and tints of colors. He moves freely within that beautiful world. Healthy marriage, Harvard Law School, loving children, best selling books, a seat in the Senate, all this seems naturally attainable when the world is in focus.

In contrast, those who suffer from bipolar vision are severely constrained. Due to fear and profound lack of perspective they limit their experiences and actions to a narrow range of black, white, and a few muted primary colors. They populate a flat dull world of inexplicable discoordination. It is a world that spins out of control. Opportunities are missed, goals are not met, wars are lost. They dwell in world of unwelcomed surprises. For them, things go bump in the night -- every night. Uncertain of their own path, amazingly, they sometimes try to lead others. Yet, they have no idea where they are going. They don't even know where they have been.

Indeed, that's the critical flaw of almost all ideologies and religions. Lack of vision and a compulsion to lead.

For those with vision ideologies are not needed to understand the world. For those happy spirits the world is self-evident. Those without this kind of bipolar disorder live in a full-color three and four dimensional world. They are comfortably poised to mount reasoned responses to this marvelously complex universe. They are not limited to responses -- they are easily able to initiate action to reach any goal.

On the other hand, bipolar disorder strips nuance from the minds of its victims. While healthy people move towards a more complete range of existence, the afflicted move into the shadows. These poor souls never guess why their world looks so bleak. They never understand why they fail repeatedly in every sort of endeavor.

This strange kind of bipolarism is not a disease of the left or right. It is a flaw in vision that is based upon fear and failure to forgive. That results in mind-numbing ignorance. For those who are limited to seeing back and white, this or that, up or down, liberal or conservative, war or peace, there is a cure, but it is not easy. It is not fun to die before you die.

It is not easy to love what you cannot see.

Lex Hixon

Lex Hixon is by far my favorite author. It's so sad that he died so young.

From the page: "Lex Hixon (born Alexander Paul Hixon), (Nur al-Anwar al-Jerrahi) (1941-1995), an accomplished poet, philosopher and spiritual practitioner and teacher, extensively explored the truth of the great religious traditions. He documented these explorations in nine books and many articles and teachings given to various groups. Most of his writing focuses on his conviction that all of the great religions are true. This idea was sparked by his reading of the life of Sri Ramakrishna who gave these radical teachings in 19th century Calcutta. It became a passionate conviction for Lex and he made his life a witness to this belief by fully immersing himself in multiple religious practices and studies. This was not a research project, it was an act of faith."

There is nowhere else to be

Everything that is real is here and now. There is nowhere else to be.

The birth of the Universe is in this moment, here, right now. It all starts with this heartbeat, this word, this letter, this comma, this blink of your eye.

Reality erupts from Mind as a luminous, intense, continuous pyroclastic flow of unspeakable delight. It is a volcano closer than your jugular vein, more intimate than tears. It is the unbound, eternal, and constant out-flowing of the present.

Time, cause and effect, relativity, and morality are found throughout the present, but such processes and perceptions do not rule the Source.

The Beloved Source is Someone unencumbered, not something bound. Pele's fire points to the power and immensity of the Source, but such allusions do not contain a hint of the staggering awareness, artistry, humor, grace, and personality of Mind.

This instant is no rumbling of a mundane volcano -- it is the loving creation of your mighty Soul.

A problem for seekers

There are those who describe themselves as "seekers." At what point do they become "finders?"

They become finders when the choose to stop searching.

That is called acceptance -- it is the exact opposite of seeking.

Do we own our minds?

Our minds appear to be marvelously practical things that we own.

They recognize colors and shapes, feelings and sensations. Consciousness will spontaneously move from full sleep to perfect focus with the single creak of a floorboard. Effortlessly guiding the most mundane bodily functions, our minds simultaneously leverage bits of thoughts into elegant structures such as families, cities, economies, and societies.

But do we own our minds? We lead them like horses on halters. Yet, in an instant the same horses drag us bucking and kicking across the fairgrounds though fences and into the trees.

Some say the mind cannot conceive of death. I find those assertions contrary to experience. When quietly asked, the mind will subtly unfold the simple calculus of death. That formula is the absence of sensation, the cessation of cognition, the absolute loss of the moment. It is profoundly more than the absence of existence, it is the termination of the ever-present now. It is nothing at all, drenched in a rich blackness that is so devoid of meaning that it lacks any trace of reason, matter or energy.

That subtle response is accompanied by a disclaimer. Mind says, "you asked what death is and I have given you the calculation." However, Mind continues, "I have not presented this to you previously because it is not true. I am not of your body."

"Quite the contrary," Mind reveals, "I perpetually generate body, motion, sensation, time, matter, energy, and presence for our amusement, education, gratification, and for love. Fear not, for I am not so easily snuffed."

With a wink, Mind whispers at the same moment, "be afraid, for I am not so easily snuffed."

Forgiveness is synonymous with acceptance

Forgiveness is synonymous with acceptance. These are the essential elements of any blessing. Moving though the day blessing without limitations or preconditions is the essence of mindfulness and meditation.

It is something that needs practice.

Now is a good time to start.